Fic: "Plastic Pop" House/Wilson
Jan. 10th, 2008 03:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cadeiraThis is a missing scene from the season 4 opener "Alone".
Disclaimer: I do not own House and if it wasn´t Hugh Laurie impersonating him I wouldn´t even have the wish that this was different. Just fun, no gain intended.
Comments and critique are very welcome. Seriously!
ALONE - Missing Scene
INT. of a car
DAY
Screen direction: HOUSE and WILSON drive back from break and enter-duty. The radio blares the song Big Girls Don´t Cry by Fergie.
RADIO
To be with myself and
Center, Clarity, Peace, Serenity
HOUSE
Oh boy, this Plastic Pop stuff really scares me. There can´t possibly be people who like listening to such stuff. If there are, I definitely don´t want to meet them.
WILSON
Uh, I always thought you were more tolerant when it comes to music because I like that song somehow. It´s not Plastic Pop, it´s somewhat hymnal.
HOUSE
Hymnal?! Bohemian Rhapsody is a hymn. Music Was My First Love is a hymn, if you squint. See how tolerant I am?
WILSON
Yeah, Bob Brown would be proud. And why do those songs scare you? I think they´re nice.
HOUSE
So you mean, with you I actually have met two people who have had a hemispherectomy? (dismissively) Hymnial...
WILSON
Since you know that there´s isn´t such thing as one music centre in the brain and I am totally capable of tying shoes, you don´t have to worry about that. I... just like the way she is singing along without... ah... just forget it. I don´t like it enough that I would like to argue about it with you!
RADIO
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now
HOUSE
You are actually aware of the fact that she is singing about ending a relationship in which she feels overprotected, right? Why on earth would you like a song which glorifies the way how all the women in your life have turned away from you?
WILSON
(disconcerted)
Uhm... I... they didn´t tu-
HOUSE
(interrupts him)
Self-Loathing as usual. I didn´t know it takes a masochist to cultivate a pathological helper syndrom.
WILSON
Me, friends with you and being a masochist? No way!
HOUSE
Hey, don´t make my cane feel useless!
WILSON
When did you actually start interpreting pop songs psychoanalytically, anyway? Because I can do that, too. Did you know there´s actually a song about Vicodin?
HOUSE
Oh, here we go.
RADIO
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
HOUSE
Hey wait. Did you hear that? Aww, It's personal. Now, that sounds familiar to me.
WILSON
What, that was it? Suddenly you stop cracking jokes about my taste of music?
HOUSE
Yeah, realization. It´s a beautiful thing. (hesitates)
WILSON
Come on, fill me in! Oh inauspicious Kassandra, what have you just found out?
HOUSE
(reluctantly)
I just thought that it´s maybe the other way round. (Beat.) That she was in relationship which was too tiresome. Well, it´s not your wives, it´s you leaving.
RADIO
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside
To be with myself and
Center, Clarity, Peace, Serenity
HOUSE
Oh boy, this Plastic Pop stuff really scares me. There can´t possibly be people who like listening to such stuff. If there are, I definitely don´t want to meet them.
WILSON
Uh, I always thought you were more tolerant when it comes to music because I like that song somehow. It´s not Plastic Pop, it´s somewhat hymnal.
HOUSE
Hymnal?! Bohemian Rhapsody is a hymn. Music Was My First Love is a hymn, if you squint. See how tolerant I am?
WILSON
Yeah, Bob Brown would be proud. And why do those songs scare you? I think they´re nice.
HOUSE
So you mean, with you I actually have met two people who have had a hemispherectomy? (dismissively) Hymnial...
WILSON
Since you know that there´s isn´t such thing as one music centre in the brain and I am totally capable of tying shoes, you don´t have to worry about that. I... just like the way she is singing along without... ah... just forget it. I don´t like it enough that I would like to argue about it with you!
RADIO
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now
HOUSE
You are actually aware of the fact that she is singing about ending a relationship in which she feels overprotected, right? Why on earth would you like a song which glorifies the way how all the women in your life have turned away from you?
WILSON
(disconcerted)
Uhm... I... they didn´t tu-
HOUSE
(interrupts him)
Self-Loathing as usual. I didn´t know it takes a masochist to cultivate a pathological helper syndrom.
WILSON
Me, friends with you and being a masochist? No way!
HOUSE
Hey, don´t make my cane feel useless!
WILSON
When did you actually start interpreting pop songs psychoanalytically, anyway? Because I can do that, too. Did you know there´s actually a song about Vicodin?
HOUSE
Oh, here we go.
RADIO
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
HOUSE
Hey wait. Did you hear that? Aww, It's personal. Now, that sounds familiar to me.
Screen direction: Wilson expectantly waits for House´s punchline. As he realises there won´t be one, he slightly incredulously turns towards House. House rigidly focusses on the traffic.
WILSON
What, that was it? Suddenly you stop cracking jokes about my taste of music?
HOUSE
Yeah, realization. It´s a beautiful thing. (hesitates)
WILSON
Come on, fill me in! Oh inauspicious Kassandra, what have you just found out?
HOUSE
(reluctantly)
I just thought that it´s maybe the other way round. (Beat.) That she was in relationship which was too tiresome. Well, it´s not your wives, it´s you leaving.
RADIO
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside
WILSON
Wait, you mean, me (gesturing) moving away from you?
(sarcastically)
Nah! How could you even consider yourself such a demanding person that everybody around you would have the wish to end their relationship with you?
Wait, you mean, me (gesturing) moving away from you?
(sarcastically)
Nah! How could you even consider yourself such a demanding person that everybody around you would have the wish to end their relationship with you?
Screen direction: House is sulking and obviously doesn´t want to have this conversation anymore.
RADIO
Don´t cry Don´t cry
WILSON
(grins)
So again, tell me, why do these songs scare you? (Beat.)
Oh boy! You should really get a team!
Don´t cry Don´t cry
WILSON
(grins)
So again, tell me, why do these songs scare you? (Beat.)
Oh boy! You should really get a team!
Comment: This was an attempt to write a (dialog-only) scene. Obviously the Radio isn´t a character. I know that. I was just fooling around with my screenplay writing software but the formatting was all jumbled up by LJ. So never again... This is not really the fic!premiere I was aiming for but it was the one that finished itself first. Many thanks to
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sorion who has freed this from many mean mistakes. The rest of them are mine!Also, I found this amusing video after the plotbunny hopped on me.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTCcNA1cEeI
I hope it´s still online and has survived the latest holder of rights-crusade. I was totally baffled after I saw i
And the Vicodin song Wilson talks about is "The Vicodin Song" by Terra Naomi.
