Neurodivergent reward cycle

Jun. 8th, 2025 07:33 pm
petra: A blonde woman with both hands over her face (Britta - Twohanded facepalm)
[personal profile] petra
My brain reward cycle is fucked, and the longer I think about it, the more I recognize that it's always been this way.

Case in point: I performed recently after preparing for 5 months.

My mother said, "It went well! That must feel good."

Me: "..."

It didn't. It never really does, not unless someone else gives me external validation.

Whenever I do something hard, my brain's response is, "Well, I did it, so how hard could it have been?"

This applies to excelling academically (which I have done frequently), excelling at my job (which I have done on occasion), every type of performance I've ever undertaken (and there have been a lot), every form of art/craft I've ever done (writing, knitting, crocheting, etc.), and helping friends.

Mostly I just feel relief that it's over, and my brain isn't going to give me the constant round of "You should work on [thing]!" anymore. Nah, the shoulds will switch to something else, but at least it'll be new at first.
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)
[personal profile] petra
I deeply enjoyed reading a Star Trek: The Original Series story in which Hanahaki is nonfatal and limited to Vulcans. I enjoyed it all the more because I didn't read the tags beyond noting that it's General Audiences and No Warnings Apply. Having now read the tags and finished the story, which ends hopefully, I recommend that you give the story a try if the idea of Spock coughing up flowers of unrequited love appeals to you -- but page down and skip the tags, unless there are common pairings in the fandom that you need to avoid.

love is an affliction
petra: Luke Skywalker and Miss Piggy, who is dressed as Princess Leia (Luke Skywalker & Miss Piggy - Aw)
[personal profile] petra
Padmé, much like Dolly Parton, loses an Amidala look-alike contest. How many of the entrants are in drag? I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

There are definitely drag king portrayals of Anakin and Obi-Wan in their heyday, possibly including makeouts with each other and/or drag king clones.

Anyone who has seen The Empire Strips Back knows what drag!Luke Skywalker is wearing, and as for Leia -- well, I could insert any number of pictures of people doing Leia drag, in any number of costumes, and she’s not even royalty in this galaxy. Who even knows how many hotass drag kings lust after Han’s gender, too.
petra: CGI Obi-Wan Kenobi with his face smudged with dirt, wearing beige, visible from the chest up. A Clone Trooper is visible over one shoulder. (Obi-Wan - Clones ftw)
[personal profile] petra
Dance in the oldest boots I own (5106 words) by Petra
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Hondo Ohnaka
Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hondo Ohnaka, Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Winter Soldier AU, Inspired by Fanart, Not a Superhero AU
Summary:

Hondo finds Obi-Wan frozen in carbonite and decides that he is worth more than the bounty on his head.

Obi-Wan is discomfited to learn what has been happening in the galaxy since he's been out of commission, but not nearly as discomfited as he is by finding out what his erstwhile padawan has been doing.

Two chapters of a Winter Soldier AU.

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January 2012

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